With the darker days coming in, I’ve felt a heaviness. In part the season, sure, the tides the stars and cosmos, but also because of very practical reasons. Primarily, because my partner will be graduating soon and we have no idea what our future holds. So there has been some stress. I was mean and tense and basically a mess until I found something on which to focus: a minimalism project.
And so I cleaned my work space, my sacred space; I declared this my clearing magic. I took two days and touched everything in my desk, cabinet, bookcase, and bedside table. I either pitched it, kept it, or am planning to try and sell it. I packed most of my
stupidly large tarot collection away in the closet (which is the next project), put my working decks neatly in a desk drawer, and my active decks on my desk. I kept only the stones and gems that mean the most to me, and pilfered through my books, keeping only the ones that I believe I’ll actually read (ideally within the next year…?).
My original intention was completely to eliminate stress. But then I got a tarot+art+poetry reading from Christina at wild.dark.magic in which she encouraged me to think not only of what I am removing, but also what I’m calling in. She suggested to appropriately grieve what is leaving me.
Oh, that hit me like a tons of bricks. Feeling started to click into place, and I realized what had happened. Over the last two years or so, I had accumulated a bunch of shit that I thought I needed for my ~*path*~. Decks, and stones, and books that I thought would flip some switch, and the divine would sing, and BAM, everything would make sense. Good one, Alaina. Basically, I spent way too much money on way too much stuff, the energy within my space became claustrophobic, and I became confused. This realization made me feel like a child again; my uncertain and insecure inner child came out. But I am done with that. I am calling in space to move and explore. I am transitioning, I am growing. I am ready to learn for myself, create new paradigms and definitions for myself.
I am moving out of my Saturn return, I am moving into being a woman.
This is the transition I must honor.
I am no longer that girl (though she still lives inside).
The loss of my maidenhood is the loss I must mourn.
There is never a moment of completeness, we are always a work in progress.
How are you feeling these dark and cold days? Or, warm and sunny days — depending on where you are in the world. What projects are you working on? Let me know in the comments.