Exploration · Tarot · Writing

Autumnal Musings

There’s been a lot going on in my life – my inner and outer landscape – and I feel like I haven’t had adequate time to sit down and compost it all.  September and October speeded away from me.  The two months have been exciting and busy, and I’m grateful for all of the great memories.  But let me tell you: I’m looking forward to the hibernation season of winter, if only for some time to sit in space for myself.

In the beginning of September, I moved in with my honey.  The move itself went well, but there is still art to hang and little things around the apartment that I want to complete to make this place truly our home.  It is a big transition for both of us.  At 28, it’s both our first times living with a significant other.  He moved cities.  He started school full time.  I brought a cat (Gary!) in to our home.

Shortly after the move, I went on a weeklong trip to Germany and the Netherlands with a good friend from work.  I went from unpacking my life into this new apartment to packing a backpack for a whirlwind trip full of beer and nostalgia and sightseeing.

With that – September was nearly over.

October was a blur of celebration.  Over two long weekends, I traveled to two distance weddings with good friends.  One in Wisconsin, a 10-hour drive with my honey and best friend, and another in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  I flew up there, and drove back nearly 8 hours with my best friend.

I traveled to visit other friends, celebrated Halloween/Samhain, started reading tarot via email for others, and have worked overtime to earn some extra money before the holiday season.  There has been the tumult of this election season (that I wish would just end already) that brought out personal realizations, ukulele lessons, questioning of my personal beliefs and practices, and people from my past that I’ve seen over the last two months that have brought a lot of memories – wanted and unwanted – back to the forefront.  And in between all that, not much time for rest and reflection.

And now, it’s November.  Yesterday was my honey’s 29th birthday, and today is the party.  We are hosting nearly 15 people in our tiny apartment tonight for his annual Halloween themed birthday party.   My sister will be in town next week, and my family is visiting my grandparents’ grave, attending an Avett Brother’s concert, and hosting Thanksgiving a couple of weeks early.  Maybe after next weekend I’ll finally get some quiet time.  This little Hermit needs her alone time to recharge!

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I had a reading (above) recently from Julia over at Spiral Sea Tarot and the question was “What is my magical power?”  It was a fun Halloween themed reading, and I don’t really know what I was expecting as an answer, but what she turned up was actually quite interesting.  In summary, my magical power is how I can connect with others.  As stated above, I feel that I’m pretty Hermit-y.  But it made me think a lot about opening up more with others, being gracious, and fun.  She connected it to my ancestral line, and my maternal gramma was the most open and gracious and warm and welcoming person I’ve ever known.  I miss her dreadfully, and I know everyone who was in her life misses her, too.  She was just that kind of person.  She went through innumerable traumas of her own, but she was the mother that, when my own mother was young, would welcome any and all of my mother’s friends in to her home.  It’s nice to have that connection with her.  I know it’s a capability I have inside me, but it’s not one I tap in to often enough, maybe because of laziness or because of being jaded.  But it’s easy to go just a little more out of my way to connect with others, even if it’s a simple conversation at work or a text sent to a friend.

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This morning, I had an interesting card draw for myself (above).  I did a within-without-advice reading with The Wild Unknown, and let out a heavy “HUH” when I turned over the cards.  My honey, who was close by, asked, “Is that not good?”  Well, some heavy cards turned up, as you can see.  Basically, this is confirming that I have a lot to compost.  Lately, I’ve done a lot of internal questioning of where I am and what I’m doing – career-wise, life-wise, everything-wise.  What do I want and where do I want to be?

Within:  The Devil. I’ve been sitting with these questions, and returning negative self-talk answers, like a poison.  Instead of celebrating what I have accomplished, I’m questioning every turn and decision I’ve made.  And it’s all very self-centered bullshit.

Without:  Death.  Here, I feel closure is huge.  There is so much weird energy hanging around my head and my heart and it doesn’t know where to go.  I literally keep making up alternative story lines in my head, envisioning a different future of the path that I am on.  Death here is telling me that I need to put up my borders, close myself off from that energy.  It’s all fantasy.

Advice:  Two of Swords.  Stalemate.  Yes.  “There’s an answer that’s being blocked, maybe by choice?” says The Wild Unknown guidebook.  Exactly.

So, all that I’m trying to say here is I can’t wait for some quiet, some cold, some peace so that I can build the roads for myself.  Not fantasy, reality.  The infinite possibilities of life get me excited, but the possibilities must be grounded in some kind of reality.

That’s about what been going on for me this autumn.  I have a couple more blog posts to follow, inspired from posts that I’ve made on my Instagram, and are products of this crazy fall.

How have you been this season?  Leave a comment below!

exploringly yours,
Alaina

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